Parenting is Dangerous to Your Health says U.S. Surgeon General

The United States Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, just issued an official advisory warning against the stressful nature of parenting and labeling it “an urgent public health issue.” The document says Surgeon General Advisories “require the nation’s immediate awareness and action.” So, according to the Surgeon General, what exactly is the urgent issue and what immediate actions should be taken to rescue parents from the stress of raising their own children?

In short, the advisory cites data showing that parents experience more stress than non-parents and that sometimes some parents’ stress levels are so high they cannot function. It says parental stress can negatively affect children. It says major sources of parental stress include “financial strain and economic instability, time demands, concerns over children's health and safety, parental isolation and loneliness, difficulty managing technology and social media, and cultural pressures.”

All true.

I’m a mom of five children, and I birthed four of them within a timespan of roughly five years. 12 years later I had a baby in my 40s. We had diapers and dating going on at the same time. I’m no stranger to stress. I have known financial strain, the instability of layoffs, bone-deep fatigue, and so much more.

As for not being able to function, that depends on your definition of the word “function.” (Does inventing games where I lay motionless on the bed while my kids pile heaps of clean laundry on top of me count as “functioning”?) Parenting has beat the stuffing right out of me at times. But through all these years, I never saw my children as a threat to my mental health.

Children are a Danger to Their Parents

This Surgeon General’s Advisory is the first time I recall seeing an official government entity framing children as a clear and present danger to their parents. It reminds me of radical feminist Sophie Lewis’ assertion that babies in utero commit “fetal violence” toward their mothers by introducing health threats to and demanding nourishment from their unfortunate maternal hosts. Likewise, Suzanne Sadedin says an unborn baby employs “manipulation, blackmail, and violence” against its mother while floating in the womb and usurping whatever sustenance it can suck from her body.

Collectivism is Always the Answer

What does the Surgeon General say should be done about this assault on parents’ health? The “We Can Take Action” section of the advisory starts with this preface: “[W]hile parents and caregivers may have the primary responsibility for raising children…[it] is a collective responsibility.” It then gives a laundry list of collectivist solutions including the following:

• “Bolster support for childcare financial assistance programs such as childcare subsidies and child income tax credits; universal preschool; early childhood education programs.”

• “Establish a national paid family and medical leave program.”

• Prioritize “poverty reduction, prevention of adverse childhood experiences…and improve access to healthy food and affordable housing.”

• “Strengthen public and private insurance coverage of mental health care.”

• Expand workplace policies including “paid parental, medical, and sick leave” and “access to childcare (in the community or on-site)”

Unsurprisingly, most of the solutions call for more government intervention and lots more childcare. (Sorry, but universal preschool has not been shown to improve the situation of the majority of children or their parents.) We will never fix the problem by encouraging less family unity and more government “help” that comes at the cost of higher taxes.

There doesn’t seem to be acknowledgment in the Surgeon General’s Advisory that the separation of parents and children for most of the waking hours of every day and the reality of both parents focusing most of their time and efforts outside the home may be contributing to the very problem they’re trying to solve: the widespread breakdown of the mental health and happiness of both children and their parents.

The advisory does have some solid suggestions that deserve kudos. For instance, it urges friends and family members to offer practical support to parents including “lending assistance with household chores, childcare responsibilities, or running errands” and “looking for ways to support parents and caregivers so they can take breaks, attend needed appointments, and engage in self-care activities.” Bravo.

Humble Solutions

Here are some additional suggestions for policymakers and individuals:

• Live near family. Grandparents and others can offer vital support. Studies show that living near grandparents can benefit children, parents, and grandparents.

• Ease parents’ financial burdens by lowering taxes; do this by eliminating social programs, not increasing or expanding them. Largely let families solve their own problems with their own money.

• Cultivate an economy in which one parent can primarily support the family financially and one parent can primarily focus on the physical and emotional needs of their children.

• Spend more time and effort preparing children for parenthood. Cultivate selflessness, sacrifice, and responsibility in children (Hint: Large families often foster this.)

• Limit time spent on electronic devices for both parents and children (for more vital information on this see my articles here and here.)

• Revitalize THE NEIGHBORHOOD. Initiate simple neighborhood gatherings to get to know the people around you. Use social media neighborhood groups to support each other, like offering to pick up a gallon of milk, etc. for the family next door.

• Don’t wait for the government to save you. If you are overstressed—as I was at one time when my kids were young—ask another parent to swap babysitting with you every week (or as often as needed.) Doing this reduced my stress level significantly.

• Reconsider and revise your priorities. If work has become more dominant than home life, or if your life is overrun with too much to do, simplify and sacrifice in order to focus on what matters most to you.

Despite the often chaotic and stressful nature of parenting, most parents see their children as a deep and satisfying source of joy—despite the pain. There is work and struggle in parenthood. That’s part of what you sign up for when you decide to welcome a helpless person into your life.

But you also sign up for a life of purpose and boundless adventure beyond what you could have imagined. And almost all parents rise to the occasion. They embrace the adventure of raising a family and it gives them both daily and lifelong purpose.  At the end of the day—and at the end of their lives—most parents consider themselves better off rather than worse off for having embarked on the irreplaceable adventure of becoming parents.