Mary, Baby Jesus, and That Other Guy

My son and I just attended an event featuring over 200 nativity displays. There were nativities from nearly every culture and country in the world. There was a nativity with an igloo for a stable. There was a nativity made entirely of cats. There were giant nativities that filled a stage and tiny nativities that fit in the palm of your hand. Some manger scenes had sheep and angels loitering nearby and some featured wisemen toting jewels.

But all the nativities—without fail—had three characters in common: Mary, Jesus, and Joseph. These are the three pillars of the story. They are the three pillars needed to build any family that will persist into the future.

The Father

Technically, God the Father was also a key player in the nativity story, but God the Father wasn’t featured in any of the nativities we saw. I was struck, however, by the presence of Joseph. It was not his baby, but Joseph was the man God chose to stand in his shoes as a father. And Joseph seems to have risen to the occasion.

Joseph was the one who took Mary on the journey that would lead to the birth in the manger. He was the one who found a donkey for Mary to ride. He was the one who knocked at the door of busy inns until he found shelter for Mary. Joseph was the one who sat close by as his wife’s body heaved and bled and birthed the baby who he believed would save the world.

I assume Joseph was the one who handed the little Prince of Peace to his mother as she lay exhausted in the hay, triumphant and trembling. I assume it was Joseph who procured swaddling clothes, who found water for Mary to drink, whose idea it was to use the manger for a cradle. And later, Joseph was the one who led Mary and Jesus to safety in Egypt, and then back again. From the moment the angel told him to marry Mary, Joseph was all in. And he stayed all in. This is a worthy model for all men to emulate, and so many men do.

A Necessity

I pondered afresh this year how Joseph was not simply a noble accessory in the story; he was a necessity. This struck me powerfully this season because it so happens that my first daughter gave birth to her first baby just days ago, right in the midst of the Christmas rush. So everywhere I look I see glowing statues of a mother, a father, and a baby in the hay. And in my mind’s eye I see my daughter, her baby, and the father of that baby standing by, encircled by a halo of goodness, innocence, and joy.

We Facetimed them in the hours after they came home from the hospital. The wounds of childbirth were still fresh, and sheer exhaustion was setting in as the adrenaline wore off. My daughter told us of her husband’s attentiveness, his patience in the hospital and at home, his many acts of service, his changing of diapers, and rocking of the baby. She expressed deep gratitude for him. She said, “I’m so thankful for everything he does, however small. Even if he goes to the other room to get something, it’s a big deal to me.” She concluded with tenderness, “I can’t imagine doing this by myself.”

My daughter is experiencing for herself what God knew: Mary needed Joseph. Joseph was not just meant to be a tall, dark figurine in a nativity set. He was vital to the whole project. Jesus was sent to a mother, and the work of a mother is best accomplished if it is supported by the work of a father. God knew this, and He ensured that Mary would have an immediate guardian, comforter, and helper at her side.

This is, in fact, the thing God intended when he established marriage from the beginning—that every woman would have a guardian, a worker, a comforter, a defender, a provider at her side, bound to her by law and by covenant so that new life could be guarded safely into the world and supported thereafter.

A Good Man

While the women of the world are being told, “You don’t need a man,” each woman who has a good man in her life comes to understand how helpful it is to have a capable man who loves you at your side. It is an irreplaceable advantage. Some would even call it a godsend.

Joseph gets a nod of recognition now and again, but Mary is the one who is immortalized in countless songs and revered in countries around the world, as perhaps she should be. Her contribution is momentous. But Joseph, along with all the other fathers in the world who are attentively standing by and willingly serving their wives and families day after day after day, should get more than a nod. Because, even for Jesus, fathers are not an accessory—they are a necessity.

God bless them, every one.

My oldest daughter as Mary at five years old